Careless Tweeter

Having experienced the incredible randomness of Twitter virality for the first time (thanks to the tweet above), a considerable amount of user feedback started to converge on the same topics.

Some folks shared how those words evoked a certain musicality, and/or how it reminded them of a specific song or band – someone actually wrote a song out of it. Also, the words on those sign-in check-boxes gave them all kinds of feels, apparently evoking some sadness and/or “future nostalgia”.

The whole madness of how the tweet went so viral needed some closure, and it should be in the form of a song… But what song could be a main theme for a nostalgic Twitter OST? When all is gone, when the bots finally drain our patience, and force us into dystopian web exile out of the damned hellscape that Twitter can be (sometimes)… what would be the song playing when the end credits roll?

The obvious choice was George Michael’s classic ‘Careless Whisper, an everlasting hit song with all the right components in place: a memorable melody, catchy lyrics, reverb overdose mixed with a melodic saxophone solo, and many other little details. So I decided to practice some songwriting à la Weird Al Yankovic for my own solitary enjoyment… and now yours.

There’s an instrumental tune at the end of the post, for you to have fun with your friends and family, and/or to record your own Careless Tweeter. Brilliant! Happy karaoke.

I had to be sure
In your profile, I’ve been unfollowed in kind
As the traction dies, deplorable outcries
Calls to mind that old mistweet
And all its sad replies

I’m never gonna tweet again
Your retweets loved algorithms
A meme’s easier to send
Although it can be cruel
Should’ve known better than to tweet a thread
And curse the handle I’ve been given
So I’m never gonna tweet again
The way I mentioned you

Oh, oh

Can @Jack ever mend
Hordes of bots and a far-right brethren
To the verified
The design is kind
Ad campaigns don’t show the truth
Fake news is all we find

I’m never gonna tweet again
Your retweets loved algorithms
A meme’s easier to send
Although it can be cruel
Should’ve known better than to tweet a thread
And curse the handle I’ve been given
So I’m never gonna tweet again
The way I mentioned you, oh

[sax solo] (Order my timeline, love)

Tonight your tweets stream in the cloud
I wish you’d @ me in this crowd
Maybe there’s a different game
DM each other and avoid a public shame
Our tweets could have been put together
Living in a thread forever
But now who’s gonna follow me?
Please, bae…

And I’m never gonna tweet again
Your retweets loved algorithms
Memes, easier to send
Although they can be cruel
Should’ve known better than to tweet a thread
And curse the handle I’ve been given
So I’m never gonna tweet again
And RIP my mentions, too

[sax solo]

(I’m not a robot) I am a human
(Remember me) Was my reply so wrong, so wrong,
That you had to block to see me gone?


My singing can’t do it justice, unfortunately, but please feel free to record this on your own – if you do, I’d love to hear it.

Thank you for the music, George Michael (RIP) and Andrew Ridgeley.

Featured image background photo by Michael Van Huffel

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